ZIMA - the universally adored clear malternative adult beverage, whose life was tragically cut short in 2008 - still lives on in our hearts and imaginations. An astonishingly magical drink, ZIMA was the fuel for a myriad of memorable nights and the subject of many an urban legend. Slip into zomething comfortable and get ready for an intimate look at everyone’s favorite dearly departed alcopop.
#6. ZIMA Wasn’t Just for Women. For starters, I drank ZIMA. But if you need more proof, check this out: ZIMA was charcoal filtered. Do you know what else is charcoal filtered? Moonshine. So there.
#5. ZIMA is a Badass Name. ZIMA is Slavic for “Winter.” The brand name was created by TV writer Jane Espenson, who has since worked on Game of Thrones. I really could have used that information in 2002.
#4. ZIMA Will Not Help You Beat a Breathalyzer. Because of its crystal clear appearance and unusual breath freshening properties, rumors began to circulate that ZIMA was immune to alcohol detection devices. This was, of course, untrue, as both my underage ex-girlfriend and her arresting officer can attest to.
#3. Zima Drinkers Are Bad at Petitions. Three months after MillerCoors discontinued ZIMA, a group called ZIMA Drinkers of the World launched an online petition to bring the beverage back. They needed 1 million signatures. They got 848.
#2. ZIMA Makes You a Better Photographer. One lonely night in the early 2000’s, while listening to Taking Back Sunday, I drank a six pack of ZIMA and took this very artistic, incredibly edgy picture. Wow, you can really feel the angst and emotional turmoil. I have signed prints available for only $13.00 (Free Shipping on All Orders!). Email me at IsaacKozell@yahoo.com if you’re interested in purchasing one.
#1. ZIMA Isn’t Really Dead. After extensive research, I’ve discovered that Japan still has ZIMA. If you would like to help me fund a ZIMA-soaked trip to Japan, please purchase one of my aforementioned limited edition photo prints, only $13.00.