Jim Gaffigan: The America Tour
Here’s a short article I wrote to promote Jim Gaffigan’s August 18th show at the Benedum Theater in Pittsburgh.
The Best Chuck Norris Joke Yet
In an article entitled Is Obama Creating a Pro-Gay Boy Scouts of America?, Martial Artist, Texas Ranger and Total Gym Aficionado, Chuck Norris, “exposes” a link between the “Pro-Gay” Obama White House and National BSA Board Member, James Turley. Here are the real issues:
The Boy Scouts of America does not allow gay scouts or leaders. James Turley said that he “will work from within to seek a change” to this rule. The White House realizes that as a group receiving government funding, the BSA is required to follow certain rules, one of which is: If you accept Federal money, you may not discriminate against a person who is eligible for the service your group provides. Chuck Norris worries that the gays are going to destroy America and that he may not have enough roundhouse kicks left to stop them on his own.
Norris’ argumentative style is to begin each of his points with the question, “Is it a coincidence that…?” Like weak karate chops that only feel stronger with each repeated blow, Norris attempts to build his case/wear down the reader by using the “Is it a coincidence…?” line seventeen times in the course of the article. After laying out his theory of collusion between Turley and the White House, Norris says about the Boy Scouts, “These individuals epitomize the best of America. Indeed, the BSA is as integral of a part to American life and culture as hot dogs, baseball and Grandma’s apple pie.” He then goes on to quote former CIA Director, Bob Gates, who said, “I think that American leadership is vital to peace and prosperity and the advancement of democracy in the world, and that requires having strong leaders. And I don’t think there’s any organization in the world, certainly not in the United States, that better prepares young men for leadership in this country than the Boy Scouts of America – in teaching leadership skills, in teaching values, in teaching importance of standing up for what’s right.”
To Chuck Norris, being American means loving American things like democracy, strong leadership, baseball, apple pie and NOT BEING GAY. His narrow and intolerant worldview allows him to expressly deny rights to a specific group of people and classify it as doing the right thing. His America is one where we teach our youth to look upon those different than us as a threat. It’s so terribly sad that it’s almost funny. Which is why Chuck Norris has become the best Chuck Norris joke yet.
